Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What day is it again ?

College is a busy time. Tests, quizzes, 5 hour long math assignments, and then add in all the filler teachers give you it takes up most of your day.

This week has been insane. I had a HUGE math test and it just got over today (hence the blogging). Also this, I have a paper due tonight, ward ski night tonight - woop! - and my phone has been blowing up non stop. No i'm not bragging about how super popular I am, it's just reminders from my scheduler. But we can pretend it's from all my friends.. :)

Most importantly when I am not doing school work, it's that time of the semester.. ELECTIONS WEEK!! Woop! A lot of the times when I'm not busy I help out by standing/dancing at the A frames, handing out flyers, playing with husky puppies & flash mobbing (not in the TSC).

Don't be a bag of crap. VoTe!!! Here!

Also this, I want to live in a house. I don't care really I just want it to be cute & semi close to campus. Dream house # 3 is out the window. Don't worry though, we have our eyes on # 4, hopefully we wont get screwed out of it like the last 3..

So these are some things that I have been pondering and enjoying lately between classes and studying and all the other things.


So there's this show on MTV called America's Best Dance Crew (ABDC). The new season just started, & while in the lib one day waiting for my next class to start I thought,
Hey i'll check it out. um, pretty sure it is freaking sick.
POREOTICS is their name & tutting, popping, & robotics is their game. I like it. If you want a sample of this in your life click HERE.




Hi Dave, Marry Me this instant????




If you don't watch The Buried Life you are missing out. Great adventures, good laughs, and Hot Hot Hot boys :)

Once upon a time I used to work at a place called The Rage. I used to tan almost everyday, it was weird. Now I have embraced my pale winter skin and learned to see passed it haha. Except last night my roommates Shannon June & Megan decided it was time to turn our skin over to a new leaf. So I was bored, had no homework and decided to go. BIG MISTAKE. I never realized how much the Rage sucks. I have lines all over and a particular one from the place where the sun didnt seem to hit for one second. I'm better with food. I feel like a box of Neapolitan ice cream minus the chocolate slab. My front half got a little red (maybe where it mixed a little together) but everything in the front is pale white. Oh but don't worry my whole back, knee pits and bum is burning painfully and resembles not strawberry flavored ice cream, more like a fresh baked lobster. Please fork out the other 2 bucks and go somewhere to tan that wont melt the skin off your body. That's all. Until next time!

Friday, February 12, 2010

Also This.


Lately I have found myself saying "also this" when beginning sentences. It is almost bugging me that I am addicted to saying it but it always comes out. Probbly spawned from my great friend Cassidy.

Lately, it has came back to my attention that, in life happiness is not just found, it is a choice. An attitude to be determined to find the best in things, which I have tried to make conciouse effort to do recently. Here are some things I have found just make this easy for me.



I loved taking this. Remember these days? So many funny stories were told on walks like these.




I freaking love my dad. He is so legit it is insane. Also, I get too see him next weekend before he goes to Iraq. Yuss!




I want this back in my life. Love love love drawing. Excited to start focusing more on this passion.





Can we talk about it? Love, please.





ALSO THIS.

I love weird return missionaries. They are so awkward and stay very long after they are not welcomed anymore. They say the weirdest/funniest things, & want so bad for some reason to make sure you know that they are now one hundred percent socially retarded. It is always a situation in which you ask yourself, "Who is this kid & what made you this way?" YESSSSS!! Possibly one of my most favorite things is to be a witness to this weird transformation. Oh my gosh, I can't handle it. So Great.




Even when things seems bleak, somethings you just have to recognize as blessings. Love you. Peace & Blessings.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Back From the Dead..Mostly.

Sometimes a girl just has to be sad. I would say sorry that others had to hear about my sadness & problems, but guess what

It's my blog, and I'll cry if I want to.

But I do need to say that I am back. In a different way then before, but back, to any normalcy I could expect to be at. I am back at least from being a zombie for the past week.

You see, I have this wonderful religion that makes my life worth all the "walking dead" times.
& all the "why is this happening" times.
& all the "I just want to crawl in my bed and give up on the future" times.
It gets me through these times when nothing made sense & nothing can ever be the same.
The times when you try to do that right thing but it turns into a horrible mess.

In the times everything you thought you were working so hard towards for the last 7 months ended up not being what is right.

After all these times, I realized that though I may think that what I want is most important, I have someone who knows better and wants the very best life for me.
Not just an okay life, & not just a "well she'll be happy enough" life, The Absolute VERY BEST life I could possibly imagine. (even if right now I cant see it). & I love Him for wanting to give me that. I don't see how I could ever deserve a gift such as that, which makes me love Him even more for wanting me to have it anyways.

I realized today because of that, all this pain, all the sadness, all the heartbreak, all the beautiful memories that tear me apart, & the reason for all of this is that, it had to happen, for me to have what is best for my life in the best time for me. This is what needs to happen to make the opportunity for me to have the best life, possible in the future. & throughout everything that is going on right now, I can work through the pain and be thankful for this. Because of this, one day I will receive THE greatest life He could ever possibly give me. In the right manner & at the best time for me. His time, not mine.

I know that even though I am sad, and He is sad that I am sad, He is not going to make our sadness right now effect what He knows will be best for me in the end. And I love Him for being strong enough for the both of us. So if He can push through His sadness of seeing His daughter be like this, the way that I am right now & the way I will be probably for a long time, I will push through my sadness with Him. & for Him. & He will be my rock, & my shoulder to cry on, & my hope for the future. And we will make it out of this together...eventually.

Paul was one of the best things that I have ever had in my life, he is the greatest gift that Heavenly Father could have blessed me with. I learned so much from him and we both tried as hard as we could, but for reasons I don't even understand yet, it isn't right for us right now. I never want anyone to think that we fought or didn't love each other. I guess there are just other things in store for us, which is hard to swallow, but I have faith that Heavenly Father has our best interest at heart. I am so thankful for the time I got to have him in my life and I hope for the best in the future for both of us. And if we ever find our way back together in the future maybe it will be right then.

With this, I am going to try really hard not to be a Zombie anymore. I know I will still be very sad for a long time &I will have up & down times, but there are a lot of people in this world who are worse off then me, & I will try to focus on that & help them. I'm not okay with being negative & selfish anymore which is an act of Him honestly. I'm so thankful for the people on this Earth who helped me work through all of this. Home teachers are amazing. Friends & roommates have helped me more then they can understand. Sisters are lifesavers. I really want to say thank you to everyone who was & continues to be there for me. Thank you for being His hands of comfort in my life. You will be blessed, because you helped His daughter so much at a time when she needed Him & He couldn't hold her ( physically). Thanks Friends. Love all of you from the bottom of my aching heart & I promise not to be so serious anymore in my little blog :)
Future, my arms are opened to you.









Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Depressing. Sorry.

I jinxed it.
& I hate this.
& I feel like Bella Swan.
& I hate Bella Swan.
& I hate that no one can fix this.
& I hate that it"s all my fault.
& I hate that I don't know why.
& I hate that no one understands.
& I hate how negative I am at this time.
& I hate that I am okay with being negative for a while.
& I hate when I wake up my eyes are still red & swollen.
& I hate that I have to lie to everyone and tell them I'm okay.
& I hate that there is no one that I can not be okay with.
& I hate when I tell my best friend & she texts me back the next day.
& I hate that if anyone reads this they will know how selfish I am.
& I hate that I'm okay with that.
& I hate that I have to pretend to be okay with it tomorrow.
& Pretend like I'm not praying every night for it to be just a terrible dream.
& I hate that every time my phone vibrates I know it's not who I want it to be.
& I hate that I don't know why I can't just let myself be happy.
& I hate how I make life so hard.
& I hate how everything reminds me. Because we did everything together.
& I hate how I just lost the only person who ever truly cared about me.
& I hate that I just lost my very best friend.
& I hate that no one can make it go away.
& I hate how I am always by myself now.
& I hate that it is all my fault.
& I hate that it took me losing what mattered most to realize what mattered most.

I am sorry I'm not stronger, that I'm not pretending to be fine right now.
& I'm sorry that you read this whole stupid thing.
& I'm sorry that it is all my fault.
& I'm sorry that I don't know one thing.
& I'm sorry that I am sad.
& I'm sorry that no one understands.
& I'm sorry that I let this happen.
& I'm sorry that I will be sad for a long time to come.
& I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough.
& I'm sorry that I did this.
I'm sorry it's my fault.
I'm sorry.