Life in quotes, as of late.

I refuse to give up. 

I refuse to settle. 

I refuse to be comfortable. 

I refuse to digress. 

I will never give up because you will never give up on me. 

Here's to the battle, going at it everyday, doing your very best and realizing the Lord is with you even before you asked him to be.

Hope everyone had a wonderful SpanksGiving. Let's get on with it.

Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues by subpop

making decisions is hard.

I'm running out of reasons. Seriously every day something happens to push me in that direction.

and then the next day something else happens to sway me in the other.

When I run out of reasons, does that mean it's time to make a decision ?

It's my decision. That's all I get. Just tell me what to do and i'll do it. that's what I want. haha 

I know I still have my agency, but at this rate it seems like just a matter of time for that too. :)

Here I go. Just deciding my entire life path.

coin flip anyone?!

- small confession - 
The future is my greatest fear.

Cheers to those of you who have it figured out.

how did you do it?

Faith is the absence of fear.

repeat.

repeat.

repeat.

repeat.

I realized today that I'm somewhat of a creep

Awkward trying to be a better woman of Zon episodes:

Examples -

-Yelling to strangers if they want a ride up to campus/to church on my way. ( Just trying to look out for my peeps, if I was walking in the cold I would want to make a new friend and get a ride..)

- saying hello slash smiling or complimenting passer bys (I'm not trying to get you to tell me your social security number, I just want you to have a good day, sheesh.)

- Listening to church music not on Sunday ( at sushi night - "you must be having a hard time, I see you listening to mormon music all the time on spotify." me- "well I actually just kinda like it.. anytime.. it's really nice..")I listen to other things too, jsut sometimes nothing else seems good to me okay, lay off!

- when the teacher asks you to read a page from the book you are reading & all the sudden it talks about repentance and Heavenly Father.. the whole class goes silent.. & then the whole My names Chelsea, & im a mormon in a liberal's class creepy feeling happens, any further discussion has been killed, not what the teacher wanted, everyone feels awkward, next topic.

- asking that boy about the brother of jared doctrinal questions & all the sudden he gets that "oh, your that kind of girl" look on his face and promptly moves on to the girl sitting next to me for the rest of the night.. i guess doctrine isnt the best pick up line, but I just have questions..

- The conversation dies and becomes dry because calling her gross, slutty, and trashy isn't really my thing ( no matter how much those things are true haha let's be honest ) sorry to hault our stimulating conversation or potential bonding time.. but that's just not something I want to encourage. (maybe she got attacked by a dog who ate her outfit?? )

Maybe I should just turn into a sister missionary and be done with it.. I feel like if I had a name tag to justify/explain the things that I do then I would be more accepted.. haha but really.

But..and the end of the day I guess I like being peculiar. Even though some things may not be socially acceptable now.. hopefully they help someone feel loved at least after the creepiness subsides.

from now on you may address me as creep status chels. cool, thanks. ps. let me know if I can give you a ride to class after. :)

Rapture Poster 2D Design

Step 1 : Gouache Paint

Step 2: Dry, then cover with calligraphy ink

ask me how hard it is to do this after painting everything just right.. ahh

Step 3: Dry, wash off with warm water & Vwa La! 

I've really been trying to take my art more seriously this year, and not just finishing my projects the day of or just throwing it together. I realized I was robbing myself and discrediting my abilities, and this year has been far more enjoyable and rewarding. 

Also, my blog has been lacking a small amount lately, I apologize. But my journal entries are much longer, and more personal, I feel better writing in it because well, personal things sometimes need to just stay off the interweb. Also, life is a lot less eventful on account of school again and working, free time is scarce but it is something I enjoy so I will continue but less frequently probs. Hope you enjoy these photos and this jam below. 

M83 - Wait by Reike

Ps. In my scripts last night I left off at this chapter  >> D&C 122. The pages I noticed were wrinkled from tears & it brought back many memories. I cannot express my love for these verses. In my study last night I was reminded of how much Joseph Smith really did for us and how much the Lord deeply loves his children, and me. I love how tender the "my son" is to me in vs. 7.

6 If thou art ^aaccused with all manner of false accusations; if thine enemies fall upon thee; if they tear thee from the society of thy father and mother and brethren and sisters; and if with a drawn sword thine enemies tear thee from the bosom of thy wife, and of thine offspring, and thine elder son, although but six years of age, shall cling to thy garments, and shall say, My father, my father, why can’t you stay with us? O, my father, what are the men going to do with you? and if then he shall be thrust from thee by the sword, and thou be dragged to ^bprison, and thine enemies prowl around thee like ^cwolves for the blood of the lamb;

 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the ^apit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the ^bdeep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to ^chedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of ^dhell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee^eexperience, and shall be for thy good.

9 Therefore, ^ahold on thy way, and the priesthood shall ^bremainwith thee; for their ^cbounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy ^ddaysare known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore,^efear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

Hard things become easy.

Every new experience brings new knowledge.

This experience has taught me a lot about what you must have gone through.

And it is hard kindof.

It is hard when you know what is right and maybe they don't or can't see it.

It's hard when they don't understand that you cannot deny what the lord has told you and what you always felt, and what you know to be the right thing for you.

It's hard to have to be the one to stand firm when you know it is causing someone else pain.

And it is hard to learn more of what you must have felt but not nearly as intense.

I'm sorry I made it so hard, because it really is hard enough.

I'm sorry I didn't understand, but now I do, and I know you did the right thing, for you at that time.

It sucks, but I'm grateful you listened to the lord because I know it made me better, maybe even you too.

But, now it is my turn to be firm in my knowledge of what the lord would have me do, and it is uncomfortable, but since I know it's what He wants for me it makes things a lot easier.

till this day, your still continuing to be one of the greatest examples to me.

So thanks. For doing hard things, and following the lord. Because that is the only way we can get to our ultimate destination of where the lord wants us to arrive.

Yay for his guidance & the knowledge that he's always there. Even when all is said and done.

Here's to being able to make hard things easy when you know it's His will. Ask him & he will tell you what it is that he would have you do, then go forward with faith, he will never lead you for anything but the best possible outcome.

Peace & Blessings.