Story of My Life.

Once Upon a Time, a boy we shall call Werik Eynn & a girl we will call Irittany Bingalls, played an April Fools joke on our apt giving us upside down cups of Goldfish all over. 10 of them, (one dead) in total.

:::Cut to me as a 6 year old, crying for two days when I had to flush my first Goldfish after naming it, loving it, and telling all my 6 year old most important secrets to it. Still a sensitive subject, hate me for it:::

Yep.

:::Cut one more time to my 18th Birthday in my freshman dorm, when my sister tried to give me a goldfish on my birthday. An hour later, She left with the bag of fish upon my refusal of her gift:

Moral of the story, I hate when people give me Goldfish. It's like handing me depression in a plastic bag of water. I love them and then they die. One day of friendship, and then the next day of flushing to the porcelain gods. I tell people "Oh I know they will die probably, no big deal, in like two days," but secretly I am always holding out that they live maybe so we can be friends.. it could happen, maybe. You don't know!

So this whole weekend I have seen them drop like flies. The big ones, the little ones, the ones with white spots, the all orange ones, D E A D. By Sunday there were two left and I said listen, please don't die cuz you're my friends. I fed them, changed their water, talked to them, looked at them, put my shells from the california coast in their bowl so they would feel more like real fish in the sea, everything I could think of.. Then, my "friends" Case Chasillas, and Cody Carpenter (that one doesn't work..sorry haha) decided it would be great fun if while we were dying Easter eggs, we should dye the fish too. Don't worry the dye has vinegar and fizzy stuff in it. So after protecting them as best as I could, I was washing out the cups and found the green missing. I turned around and caught Cody with a green bowl of fish.

::NOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!::::

I ran to my roommates fish tank and tried as fast as I could to scoop them out and put them with the other fish which I had been doing all week when I had too many to fit in my little bowl. After an agonizing 4 minutes I got the little guys in a bigger bowl and to safety. I told my friends to F off, an to never talk to me again.

Just kidding, they just went home a little later.

So, thinking I had saved them, I came to check on them the next morning. What I saw that morning will forever secure my awful experiences with goldfish and amplify my hatred for receiving them by ten fold. When coming back to check on the fish I peered into the tank and gasped in horror. Every. single. one of the fish. in the tank. were floating. belly up. at the top.

DEAD!

I killed all of them, I think!

Even my roommates fish!

Probably,the vinegar fish, had chemicals in them or something...

I HATE GOLDFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I KILLED 21 FISH, IN THE PASSED WEEK. 10 OF THEM MINE!

9 GOLDFISH, 3 LONG TAIL THINGS, 2 GHOST FISH AND 4 BABY LONG TAIL THINGS.

I TRIED SO HARD TO LOVE THEM AND SAVE THEM AND I ENDED UP KILLING ALL OF THEM!!!

TO ALL THOSE WHO THINK GIVING FISH IS A FUNNY JOKE, PLEASE BELIEVE IF ANYONE TRIES TO JOKE ME WITH THEM, IT WILL BE YOUR LAST. I DO NOT TOLERATE DYING FISH IN MY PRESENCE. JUST WARNING YOU. YOU WILL DIE. I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT. THAT'S ALL.

This song, Penelope by Pinback, is hereby dedicated to all that have been lost this week.

RIP.