Life's About Choices. You Decide.

Upon reading the ensign this month, I came across an article that really helped me understand a lot of things I didn't before. I hope this helps someone like it helped me. Yeah it's about marriage, but life in general too. enjoy.

April 2010 ensign :

“Making the Marriage Decision,” Ensign, Apr 2010, 20–25

"Choosing Love"

"During the two years I dated my husband, Jon, I prayed often about marrying him, but I never got an awe-inspiring answer that so many others seemed to talk about. I had heard so many of those stories that I was afraid marrying Jon wasn’t right unless I had a miraculous confirmation experience too.

I was also weighing a decision about serving a mission. I proceeded with the process of putting in my papers and met with my bishop. The bishop suggested that if I was OK with Jon marrying another girl, then I should move forward with serving a mission. If I was not OK with his being with someone else, then maybe I should reconsider.

I spent a lot of time thinking about that counsel. I knew I loved Jon, but I didn’t want to give up other good opportunities. As I was praying over the matter one day, I received the distinct impression through a feeling: “It’s your choice.” As unromantic as it may sound, that answer was exactly what I needed. Of course it had always been my choice, but this prompting reminded me that I didn’t need to wait for earth-shattering, divine intervention to tell me to marry Jon; I knew we were compatible, I knew I loved him, and I knew marrying him would be a good thing. All that was left was for me to make the choice.

I was reading my scriptures and contemplating my decision to marry, when I came across this sentence in Moroni 8:16: “Perfect love casteth out all fear.”

“If it’s my choice,” I thought, “then I choose him.” It was hard to give up the opportunity of a mission, but from that moment on, I was committed, and we started planning for marriage.

I still had occasional doubts and fears, but because I had made the choice to marry Jon, I also had made the choice to help things work out. (Imagine that—having to work at a relationship!) Choosing to work at our relationship has made all the difference because as I have done so, I have felt closer to and more in love with my husband.

Marriage isn’t always easy—most worthwhile things have difficult moments. But when I come to those moments, I remember what I felt when I received that simple but powerful answer to my prayer: we choose our companions and then go to work to make those relationships meaningful throughout our lives.

It struck me that the love of two righteous people moving toward the Savior could cast out the fear of all the world’s unknowns. This experience gave me the peace I needed to move forward with the decision to marry and the courage to make changes to my educational and career path. I know that the love him and I have is not perfect, but through Jesus Christ, it can be made so.

Marie Cottle, Utah, USA

Trusting the Lord to Be My Guide

For me, getting a confirmation about my marriage was like filling a glass. Because I knew that dating and marriage were things to pray about, I pictured myself getting a “full glass” of an answer the first time I prayed. But I became confused when I went on a few dates with Karen and couldn’t figure out where to go from there. I liked her personality, but I didn’t know about her testimony or anything else. I was afraid of the relationship ending with broken hearts or anger. However, I realized I would know what to do only by spending time with her. I figured that in the end it would be a learning experience for both of us—whatever that end would be.

We eventually decided to date exclusively, but neither of us knew exactly what we wanted from the relationship and we broke up a few times because we weren’t on the same page. She had strong desires to serve a mission, and I strongly wanted to be sure of whom I should date and marry. Plus, we were both afraid of making a mistake in choosing when and whom to marry.

As I sought priesthood blessings and counsel from priesthood leaders and continued to pray, the glass continued to fill. I learned more about Karen and me—what we could work through together, what our personal weaknesses and strengths were and how they affected us, what our fears were and how we would deal with them, and how to communicate with each other. We both saw from experience that we worked well together and complemented each other. We learned of each other’s faith, testimony, opinions, and quirks. As I prayed and as my glass filled, I felt added courage to keep dating her to see what would happen. I didn’t know “for sure,” but my faith that things would work between us increased.

Over time, I realized that I truly loved Karen and wanted to spend eternity with her. When she met my family and I saw how she fit in, my glass was full. It took me a year to get to that point, but when I did, the doubt dispersed and I could see clearly. I knew I should marry her and I knew that I knew.

I’ve wondered what would have happened had I not had the faith to let the Lord guide me through my relationship with Karen. I’m glad I had the courage to move forward, even in uncertainty. Because we learned so much in our dating and during our engagement, our adjustment to marriage has been smooth, and we are extremely happy.

Tyler Heasley, California, USA

Lance B. Wickman, “Confidence Tests: From Fear to Faith in the Marriage Decision,” Ensign, Apr 2010, 12–16

"Only after applying your own judgment and good sense to the relationship after a sufficient period of time should you pray for a confirmation. Remember, like every other important decision, marriage is your choice. The Lord will expect you to exercise your judgment. As He said to Oliver Cowdery, “Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me” (D&C 9:7). Once you do your part through an appropriate courtship and make a tentative decision, have confidence that Heavenly Father will respond to your supplication.

"...Whatever the reason for the fear of the marriage decision, it leads to some fallacious thinking, to a “casting away” of one’s confidence. This, in turn, causes a person’s failure to firmly grasp his or her own responsibility for making that decision. Even if such fear doesn’t result in postponing or even avoiding marriage, it can lead to other errors. For instance, some are inclined to treat the decision as entirely a spiritual one. Shortchanging their own obligation to give due process to it, they wait for the functional equivalent of a divine finger writing an answer on the wall or for the seas to part or for some other metaphysical phenomenon that tells them without question that so-and-so is “the one.”Counsel from parents, bishops, and other worthy persons can be valuable. But at the end of the day, no one else can—or should—tell you what to do. The decision of whom to marry is an intensely personal one.

“Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompense of reward!” Remember that we come into this life hardwired, so to speak, to fall in love. Don’t make it harder than it is! Remember what you know, and move forward with confidence in Heavenly Father and the standing you enjoy as His son or daughter.

"...The Lord expects you to use your own good sense. He expects you to rely on your own natural feelings of man-woman attraction planted in you from birth. Once you have been drawn to a person of the opposite sex, enjoyed a significant period of friendship—courtship—with him or her, and satisfied yourself that he or she shares your values and is someone with whom you could happily share the most intimate of relationships—then put the matter to Heavenly Father. The lack of a contrary impression to your own feelings may be His way of telling you that He has no objection to your choice."

Ps. I've had an epiphany of sorts from this.

1.Love isn't some magic miracle. It's a choice, & if you choose it, you choose to work at it to make it happen. Simple as that. If you meet someone who strives to be close to Heavenly Father, the love with those people can work no matter who it is, as unromantic as that it is. (of course there's good, better & best, but I think it's YOUR decision of what that is for you individually)

2.You make your life how it is. Life is about you making choices and having Heavenly Father direct you to a point, but he's not going to tell you everything you should do. If you want something, don't wait for a lightening bolt sign to hit you, it's your decision, and if it is wrong heavenly father will let you know. He wont let your life go in a way that is not best for you, He loves you too much & knows the things you need to learn in your life.
I trust him with the things I can't control, but I think I need to start relying on the things I know to be true and good and not let fear or uncertainty control me like it has in the past. I love Him. & You. Let's rejoice. :)