Status update.

today it came down to this.

Your relationship with Rick Champlin will be canceled upon saving.

Wow, Thanks so much for the warning, facebook..  

douchebag program..

I'm not going to pretend I'm not sad. I have never loved like this and planned my life with someone only to watch it..yeah. Sad isn't even really the word but on the cautious side of making people think I need to be put on suicide watch, I will spare my true feelings and leave those only for my journal and my bffs. Plus I'm trying not to focus on it. So for the record, drum roll please ..

I'm really going to be okay and I truly, with all that is left of my heart believe everything is going to work out for the best, whatever it may be.

It is really the best of times and the worst of times as cliche as that sounds.. I should be in bed still, eating gross amounts of chocolate, and going through 12 tissue boxes and watching cheesy love movies & cursing those idiots right? But this is it, I'm not going to do that. I've been to that place before and it's really not that satisfying.. plus, I have too many things to learn and be happy for.

I have this wonderful person in my life called Heavenly Father. This man (if you will) loves me more then I could ever comprehend, never leaves my side, and holds me all I want and whenever I ask. He always knows my exact pain and feelings, and sends me kind loving friends to show me they love me when he cannot physically be here. I have learned this passed week more then ever that Heavenly Father knows and loves me. Words cannot express how this has changed my life in this short time.He gives me peace when nothing can seem to calm me and gives me hope when everything is worse then you can imagine it could be. So why would I question his judgement and sit and waste my time while getting bloated off chocolate and spray cheese?

While holding me for about 36 hours straight now, today he told me I was going to be okay. It was in a way where you know what he says cannot be anything but stone cold fact.

I trust him more today then anytime in my life. I have never been closer to him then I am right now. He pushes me to be better and he loves me enough to make me grow into the person he knows I will someday become. Even today I can say I feel like I have came leaps and bounds from who I was just 4 days ago and have been taught so many things that I greatly value and will take with me for the rest of my life. Is it due to the fact that I am constantly engulfed in the BOM to distract myself from painful memories, or that I have semi permanent carpet indents on my knees and wet spots on my bed above them? possibly.

I'm really glad I learned these things now, before I got married, cuz they're really important things, and I might not have learned them if this wouldn't have happened right now, and I wouldn't be the best person I could possibly be if I never had this opportunity and time to learn it.

I decided this summer is going to be me & the Lords summer.  I want to continue to draw closer to him so he can teach me the things I need to know and bring me closer to the person he knows I am destined to be. So when the time comes that I get engaged again (whenever that will be, heavens) I can be a more complete and wise help meet to my hubby and bring more wisdom to the relationship from the things I was open to the Lord to teach me right now.

I want to be married and that is something that has not died throughout all of this. I have a greater desire to have a family and go to the temple with my eternal companion, but I feel like the Lord is giving me a kick to get me there prepared in every way. He is looking out for me so he can make me the best me,so I can have the best marriage, & have the best relationship with my husband, and gain the best knowledge and experiences to raise my family in righteousness.

I am so very thankful that he has redirected me at this time to give me the opportunity to be the best person I can be first, and learn important things now. What a tender mercy he has blessed me with to be willing to do this for me even though I know it makes him sad to see two of his beloved children reeling in heartache and pain. I know he is crying with us, and is hurting with us, but He loves us enough to give us only the very happiest life we can have and he will not sell us short. I know with Him as sad as me, we can get through it together and I can be better and stronger and have a greater faith after. I am so grateful to him only allowing the best life for me, even if to the world and the outsider and to my limited knowledge this may seem like a tragic ending, it really is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and I am so very thankful for this time and for him making it happen.

I look forward to the future with a broken but hopeful heart, a willingness to follow his will and guidance, and the surety that if I keep having faith in him & his plan for me, when it's right, heavenly father will happily grant me the greatest blessing possible at the greatest time for me to receive it.

Thanks to all my beautiful friends who have given me their love and support at this hard time, you will be blessed for your kindness to hold & cry with me physically, at a time when He cannot. I truly love you all.

(stole this quote from madi's blog cuz it fits me all too well right now.) 

"Things work out, it isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out, don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It will all work out. If you do your best, it will all work out. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in him, if we will pray to him, if we will live worthy of his blessings, he will hear our prayers."

— Gordon B. Hinckley