Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Sick Day.



9:00 : woke up. pounding migraine evolved into pounding sinuses, ears, and behind my eyeballs.
2:00 : Tried to get up for meeting@ 3 & get things done
2:03 : got the chills, shaking hands, and realized I had a weak body maybe to the equivalent of a person who has been in a ten year coma trying to walk to the bathroom to brush my teeth
2:15 : realized I most likely couldn't make it up old main stairs like your average 80 year old..
2:16 : emailed my teachers/advisors & rescheduled meetings for tomorrow
2:20 : regretfully accepted my fate for the day and submitted to my sickness.
2:30: ate a bowl of cereal and realized almond milk wasn't half bad, commenced entertainment for the day aka pinterest, facebook, blogstalking.
3:00 : bored & dead.

Now I am sitting here wishing my neck, head, face,body wasn't a throbbing solid block of crap and someone could invent a robot that could run all my errands for me.

Drugs Please? Heavy medication tonight & hopefully life commencing again tomorrow.

As for tonight I am reading/homwork (maybe a little Hulu) bound until my body forgives me for sleeping too little and depriving it of liquids/loving someone who was also sick.

Forgiveness immune system? Mercy!

HATE 
BEING 
SICK.
did you know?

But, I still love my life.
I hope your day is gourd.
Friendship.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

I'll Decide.

Moving on with a new phase of life is slightly uncomfortable.
even when it's the only thing you even want to do.
even when it was your choice & you know that it is the best choice.
Leaving things, people, and events, behind is even quite unnerving if you dwell on it.
Especially when that's not exactly the way you wanted things to end, but that's what seemed to have to happen.
There's a point when you say enough's enough and move forward with your own life with no apologies, no regrets, no crap to carry with you.


I guess it's sortof a thrilling double edged sword.
You decide to move forward and leave all things (settled or unsettled) behind!
To a new phase of your life without anything or anyone holding you back!
It's a bittersweet freedom. (Mostly sweet)
I guess it's just all in the way you decide to view it.

& Guess what?
I choose to be excited.

& I choose to not be sorry for moving on with my life to a better place for me.
I choose not to apologize for finding someone great & loving him the way I never felt about anyone else.
I choose not to apologize for standing up for myself & what I do & don't deserve. 
I choose to be happy even if it wasn't in someone else's plans for them.
I choose to do what is best for me in my life, growing & learning & moving forward with what I know is right.
Call me selfish.
But life is too short to let others make you unhappy, no matter how dear they are to you.

(thank you life for giving me this lesson. ..took me long enough to get it)


Happiness is essentially a state of going somewhere, wholeheartedly, one-directionally, without regret or reservation. – William H. Sheldon

I , Chelsea, vow that my happiness is & always will be mine from now on.
You can hate me for it and be bitter and mean
Or you can grow up, realize that life is better without contention & angry feelings
And be happy and join in my happiness and I will join in with yours.

Either way, this is probably the happiest I've ever been
because I realize that life isn't always perfect, but my happiness is my choice and under my control, not anyone else's.



So here's to being happy friends, no matter who hates you for it. 

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Jenny O & RIP(ped) Nudies.

Once upon a time my Mr. Ricky Bob knows every band ever made
 (not to mention some that haven't even been invented yet) 

Car rides are always a musical education.
Ask me if I have thought about marrying him purely to obtain his music collection? 
the answer is: ...its crossed my mind. (mmm yes) 

Anyways the latest he has informed me about is Lykke Li (see latter post) & Jenny O.
So naturally I had to listen to more when I got home
I get kinda distracted when i look over & he is smiling and those dimples.. please!... okay I'll stop. To spare you: he's my favorite. (but you probably already knew that) 



If you like talented girl singers that make you want to blow bubbles, decorate cupcakes, dream of being in love & wear socks with your heels please feel free to take a listen. You will fall in love. Find her EP on itunes here  only 3.99! Dango Bango what a deal!


PS. I must give a shoutout to something that happened tonight to a member of our dear little family. Tonight was a hard night for both of us, mainly ricky. He had an accident & might have lost them forever & its still touch & go if they will again return. Tonight we mourn the loss of Ricky's Nudie Jeans. Alas, I knew all of ricky's splits would catch up to him one day. Those splits will getcha everytime if you aint careful, especially when dancing to michael j. To' up a big tear or 3 right in the crotch of those little beauties, it's simply a crying shame. R.I.P perfect butt fade & 6 months of no washing. They will be on their way to NYC, growing up & headed to the Denim Doctor. I will pray for good news, a speedy recovery & a return home in safety all patched up & better then ever. God speed little guys.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Today

Yesterday -

  • the sun came out for 5 minutes!
  • I went tanning (don't judge, I haven't been all winter & the rays insta cured my winter blues)  
  • & ate a yummy dinner & got to spend a whole homework free night with my favorite person.

I felt better as I knew I would. 


Today - 

  • Bridal Fair to visit my favorite baker 
  • (& maybe take a peek around..) 
  • & where ever else life takes me 

Everyday is a day that just gets better & better. 

Life is pretty gourd. 



Be happy, it's SATURDAY!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Freedom.

Do you ever want to leave the world behind 
go into the woods, another state, a different place, any other place 
by yourself and away from everything that can form sentences?

where you don't have anyone to answer to 
no deadlines
no responsibilities
no burdens
no emails 
no problems



just yourself. your thoughts. your desires. 
what you want to do, never what you need to do
or all the things you need to get done. 
no one counts on you and no one holds you to anything. 

No ones ideals running through your head 
no obligations to make your life meaningful and successful of that which society makes for you since the day you were born. 

just You & Nature & God. 



Today I wish that. 
maybe I will take a drive through the canyon. 

.. and never come back. 

joke. I would come back eventually. Because I have to. 

 So I will do my pointless, keep me busy for 2,000 dollars a semester homework, set up appointments, talk to people who think they know more then my mere tiny ignorant 22 year old  mind, and let those self important people downtrodden my every never good enough action and socialize with those who couldnt careless but to fulfill their own feelings of obligation to keep in touch or wish to know the latest info. Because when they are still rotting in this hell hole of a ever snowing, butt freezing till you want scream, suck the life out of anyone who likes being semi warm, pointless money sucking overtaking college town, I will be somewhere far far away doing great things that help people. And making art without directions and rules. I will write things without a thesis or a word count.

I am blessed. I know that. Out of my mind blessed. Today/this week, has just been a little rough. But I know I will pull through. & one day soon the sun will come out again..


What i'm getting at is that 
I want to be Free. 
I hate school, but I know I need it. 
I hate this cold weather but I have to deal with it.
I hate being poor but I need school to make it so I am not. 

I have no choices & it's a terrible feeling. 

I vow here and now. One day I will get my degree and leave this place & look back in this time of my life and be thankful for it. One day I will never think about school again and do whatever I want and go wherever I want, when I want to. One day I will not be downtrodden by people who make me feel like I'm one step away from being a complete waste of a human body to society. One day I will live my life the way I want to and I will be thankful for the hard times that shaped me into who I am destined to become.  

Because one day I WILL be free.



Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Possibility

There's a possibility
There's a possibility
All that I had was all I'm gon' get

There's a possibility
There's a possibility
All I gonna get is gone with your step
All I gonna get is gone with your stare

So tell me when you hear my heart stop
You're the only one that knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There's a possibility I wouldn't know

Know that when you leave
Know that when you leave
By blood and by me, you walk like a thief
By blood and by me, and I fall when you leave

So tell me when you hear my heart stop
You're the only one that knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There's a possibility I wouldn't know

So tell me when my sigh is over
You're the reason why I'm closed
Tell me when you hear me falling
There's a possibility it wouldn't show

By blood and by me and I'll fall when you leave.
By blood and by me, I follow your lead.

- Lykke Li, Possibility


This song really speaks to me. It has been on repeat today. all day. pretty much.
Thanks to the ever impressive musical knowledge of my bffbffffhl Ricky Bob, I have been loving, needing, soaking up every note, listening all day to Lykke Li.

Do you ever listen to music & wonder what you listened to before you found the artist?
story of my past week.

:: WARNING! TWILIGHT NERD ALERT::

This part of the book/movie was "ouch, my heart hurts for that." I remember reading it and turning each page & saying,

still? Still!? STILL!??? COME ON!

yes, I enjoyed the books. They are well written. Hate bella, but they entertained me nonetheless. Judge me for it.

So I think Li totally caught the emotion of the time in this song perfectly. I love it. Love the song, love Lykke Li & love.. no I don't love the movie, it was terrible. But the song's a diamond in the rough to be sure. The whole soundtrack isn't bad if I remember..

ps. like how I am doing this post about 3 years after the fact it came out? Obviously I'm really into the movies...

To wrap it up, I have discovered recently that people who can make my emotions respond from their creativity, are the people & the projects that I admire most. I hope one day to stir emotions with the work that I do.. whatever that will be..


That's all. Happy happy Wednesday.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Exit Through the Gift Shop

Last night at Sunday Lego Night I built a killer lobster & watched a great documentary called Exit Through the Gift Shop.


It educated my ignorant mind of who's who in the world of street art. I love the street punk rebellion & outrageously clever mood that they bring with their work. One of my favorite of them all was Banksy. Mad respect for him & his work & his down to earth, no celebrity status 'tude he has, all the while being way too legitimate & talented to where he could be all that & more.

I would HIGHLY recommend getting your butt to the nearest Netflix included home & watching it. (Despite the 6 or 7 F bombs it includes there is nothing else that necessitates the R rating)

(...judge me for it)

Here are some of my favorite Banksy signs of artistic expression & rebellion around the world.




THE banksy rat.





^^ This one is just outside Salt Lake in a place called City Creek? .. adventure anyone?







*New addition to bucket list :
Be photographed in as many Banksy's as traveling will permit.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The Drive Home



Yesterday was an eventful day. Driving home from Ricky's friend's cabin in bear lake. We had a little adventure...
What is it you ask? My first car accident!
I wasn't driving, thank heavens (or we would have all been snowmen.)
& no one was hurt. thank heavens.
it was the "best" car accident scenario possible.
But soo scary nonetheless.

Here's how it all went down:
Not realizing the road conditions, we started out by Tokyo drifted around a slippery corner into the oncoming lane (we got too close to the inside corner.. slash wind & little snow falling??)
slid into the teensy snow bank on the other side of the road,
hit a pole then got knocked back on the road & caught traction
then it launched us to the original side of the road we had been driving on
and into the opposite side snow bank, where this snow bank hit turned us almost completely the opposite direction the car was originally headed.

It happened so fast but seemed so long. Probably cuz my mind made 50 more scenarios of what will happen to me next. (rolling down the giant snowy hills getting made into a killer snowball, getting hit by another car & ending up roadkill.. etc.)

But the smallest, most important thing that ran through my head in between all these deadly scenarios was that I could still feel ricky's hand in mine. & for those seconds it brought me a small calming sort of comfort (as calm as I could be at the time). I didnt realize till after how much reassurance it brought to me, like that it was going to be okay. I knew everything would be as long as I had his hand.
(cheesy? hate me for it, I thought I was a goner.)

Many things were realized because of this that I wont go into detail right now but life really is too short. Its crazy. Life is too short to be with someone who doesnt make you feel like as long as they are with you nothing can harm you & that you will be okay.
Life is too short not to be happy.
Life is too short to be embarrassed or shy.
Enjoy your life.
Suck every joyful moment out of it that you can, so when the day comes you can know you gave life everything you had & had all the joy you could have from it.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

What if


what if
what if
what if
what if
what if
what if ?..

what if
what if
what if
what if
what if
what if
what if
what
if


what if I die of too many scenarios my mind makes up?

What if I just had a normal/sane brain?
What if..

I'm kinda scared?

is that allowed?
can't I just be a little scared and it still be alright?
do I have to analyze it into something or am I allowed to just be a little nervous?
I feel like it's not allowed.
& I don't know what to do about that..




faith is the opposite of fear.
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat
repeat



...it's just one of those days.


Saturday, March 12, 2011

It's about time..

Today. Is. A. Good. Day.

It has pretty much been ten years since spring break started.



Note to self: never, I repeat never, stay home for a whole week by myself & turn down time with people I love. It's creepy & unpleasant.

One more day till my roommates get back & rescue me from my own paranoia.
Tonight my dearest comes home. I have a sneaky suspicion he will be zombie-like and probably super out of it tired, but I'm not complaining!

Time is a funny thing.
It can teach you things that you would have never known without it.
By it just passing, it matures you, it makes life kick you in the butt and show you things you feel like you should have known from the beginning. About almost everything you thought you knew..


Time = experience. & I am grateful for that. Even when you just want a certain time to be over. Time makes us unspoiled and humble. Because no matter how important you think you are time never makes exceptions for anyone. (Even if you go through it the whole time kicking & screaming)



Me & time have been pretty close these past couple of days. It has made me aware & cleared my cluttered mind of things I was unaware of in a time before. I'm thankful for this time me & time have had, we had a great time. (hah! see what I did there? sometimes I think I'm funny..)


Anyways more importantly this time is almost over & I am singing praise to that!! Call me a hypocrit but I can be an impatient, instant gratification demanding american with the best of them, even with my newly gained respect of time. :)


The jig is up.
Jokes over.
It's been great & all but,
Come home.
This instant.
Thanks.
Safe Travels everyone.



Tuesday, March 8, 2011

You Betta Recognize

So...

Sometimes I feel like heavenly father gives me blessings and because they do not have the right wrapping I am ungrateful for them..

This week has been one of these times I regret to admit. In the beginning I was semi ticked that I couldn't miss work and take a cool trip and have lots of fun this spring break. But now I look at it as a huge blessing. I have a whole week off to work and make money and get caught up with everything! I have this whole week to run all the tinsy errands that I never find time to do, I have the whole house to myself to deep clean, I get to get a leg up on my homework, I don't have to wait for anyone before I can do my huge pile of laundry, and I can learn new songs on my guitar and practice them as much and as loud as I want to & not drive anyone crazy.

I realized this while in my kitchen packing my lunch for work that I feel like I'm kind of a brat sometimes! I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father is patient with me & continues to give me blessings even though I do not deserve them! sheesh! hopefully one day I can be deserving and recognize his blessings & not be such a little punk!

ps. I'm still kinda excited for this week to be over.. hate me for it. I miss my frenz!! & my house is creep status.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Cache Valley or bust.

Let me start out by apologizing in advance for my whiny tone in this post.

its spring break. sending your friends off to have fun without you & being stuck home alone 24/7 in a creepy old house is not the ideal situation.

I feel unpleasant.


for the record, this sucks.


also it snowed today. happy spring break.

must keep busy...

suggestions?

here's what i have so far..

1. work
2. go to borders
3. clean my house
4. art project if i can muster the discipline
5. ...

yeah that's pretty much it.
it's going to be a long week.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

SLC & Spring Break


Last night me & Ricky Ticky Tavi went to Salt Lake.

This trip included a pop into the apple store. I felt like a cavewoman with my palm pixi. It's not often that I feel like it is old technology.. I really like my phone. Hate me for it. Also the "genius" who helped us after we were finishing up said, "great, let me just do some paperwork" then proceeded to pull out his Iphone and do it all electronically without any actual paper involved. It was funny to me. what is this world coming to?
(Here's to technology taking over our lives!)

Then to Urban. Love that store & love that I found a new pair of spring sunglasses that I will order online once I get out of my rut. But I totally forgot to grab the new March catalog. What a rookie.
(Here's to this summer!)
or

?


Then to Anthropology where I got my fix of their window displays. How I love them & how I dream of one day having that job. Too bad thats all I like to look at when I go there cuz everything else reminds me that I am college student & I will go home & eat Ramen that night.
(Here's to getting a degree & not being poor forever!)



Then to .. drum roll... BRUGES! Yes the machine gun sandwich was all that I had once remembered. & we got a waffle this time & it was delish as well. Yummo!
(Here's to half of it still in my fridge & having a delish lunch today!)

Then to my dear Mother's house. I don't visit her often enough. She is so great. She is so funny. Glad she got to meet Mr. Bobby & they got along swimmingly. Yay.
(Here's to still having a boyfriend after meeting the parents!)

:)


Then back home to Cache Valley.

It was a good trip.

Lot's of time to get to be together.

& really together, which makes me happy.

I am excited for the future.

Big things to come.

We're crazy.

You know that right?

sheesh :) I love it though.


Anyways, Spring Break ya'll. work work work. im actually kinda excited. am I that lame? I will be able to make so many monies!! & hang out with Amanda, please.

Holga sesh, please? Treat making, please? Book club, please? Catch up on life, please? All this over mugs of honey vanilla chamomile tea, please?
Thanks.

To everyone else who have lives. Have a fun spring break in Cabo, Cancun, Costa Rica, Saint George, Vegas, Arizona, California, warm places I wish I was going to, etc... Be safe & return home with honor. What happens at Spring Break, ..may lead to pregnancy/sexually transmitted diseases at home :)

Feel free to being a souvenir back for me.. preferably the sun!

Feel loved, cuz you are!